everything I can never tell you (I)

dearest,

i am listening to this while my roommate is taking a shower and the noises from the water running sound like rain. everything else is quiet around and i’m letting myself float away in one of those rare moments of clarity and inner peace, when you can almost feel time passing you by, softly caressing you as a reminder of its, at times, light and unburdening presence. it is in these moments that i am filled with so many contrasting emotions that this troubled body of mine cannot handle, so i let them overflow in warm tears washing the dust of the day off my cheeks, gently down to my collar bones.

i’ve always been one to notice, to seek beyond, to understand…and i guess that it’s in my nature to find beauty in sadness, loneliness, nostalgia, pain…for it is them that throw us into the chaos of ourselves and outline who we are, them who scribble ivory reminders on our skins and souls, them who, in the end teach us what it means to be alive, isn’t it so?…this life is so heartbreakingly tragic and precisely this is what makes it beautiful.

yours, always,

C.